All About You After a Breakup

Five things to consider doing before rushing in to fill the vacancy.

No matter how a relationship ends, so many people rush to fill the vacancy. Instead of rushing in, perhaps it’s time to pause and think about yourself.

Five things to consider before you fill the vacancy

1.  Check for Dead Weight

Compromise is part of building strong relationships, however, now that this one is over it’s time to go back and decide whether you want to stay with those changes or drop them like so much dead weight.

2.  Empty the Suitcase

Still mad, sad, or in pain from the breakup? You’re carrying around some baggage. Deal with the leftovers so you don’t burden someone new.

3.  Takes Two to Tango

It’s logical to assume that you had a hand in the breakup, so be honest with yourself about your contribution and forgive.

4.  Love Yourself

Others will come and go but you’ll have YOU forever. Learn to love yourself and treat yourself really well.

5.  Reconnect with Friends

Existing friendships often get put on the back burner to make room for romance. Now you have time to reconnect with the people who are, and will always be, by your side.

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The Three-Tined Fork in the Road

We generally think of a fork-in-the-road as a two-choice juncture, but maybe you’re facing a three-tined fork.

There comes a point at which big decisions are required—the proverbial fork in the road.  We generally think of it as a two-choice juncture, but for those of us struggling with a big choice, it may be that, instead of facing a two-tined fork, you’ve been facing a three-tined fork.

Left – Yes! A path leading forward and beyond

Right – No! A path leading forward and beyond

Center – Dabbler.  A path leading in a circle

The Deceptive Center Path

The center path of the dabbler crosses the other two paths so that, for a time, you may feel as though you’re moving forward.  In reality, though, the gradual loop is just leading you back to the beginning—the original fork in the road. You’re no closer to anything beyond this big choice.

Ultimate Success

It’s my feeling that either the left or right paths can lead you to ultimate success; freeing you from the loop to nowhere.  Staying on the dabbler’s path will only tease you with glimpses and short-lived experiences of that ultimate success.

Consider hiring a coach or becoming a professional coach yourself.  Find out more at


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Successful Failure

Why are successful people waking up feeling like failures?

More and more successful people are waking up feeling like failures.

What many people are just becoming aware of is that success has two parts:

  • Accomplishing or achieving things for others
  • Accomplishing or achieving things for ourselves

Assumptions Were Made

Okay, maybe we sort of knew there were two parts, but we made assumptions.

Assumption #1: If/Then Magic

One assumption may be that success in one part would just magically take care of the other.

o   If I provide for the family then I’ll have a close relationship with them.

o   If I choose family over career then I’ll have satisfied my life purpose.  

Assumption #2: Tomorrow Will Come

Another assumption is that once we’ve ‘made it’ in one part we’ll have plenty of time to be successful in the other.

o   Once I retire I’ll make it up to my spouse or kids.

o   Once the kids are gone I’ll pick up where I left off in my career.

There are flaws in both assumptions and this is why successful people are waking up to find themselves feeling like failures.

New Framework

Strategically planning so that you’re considering both parts of success in every decision is a new framework for many people, so do yourself a favor and start small.

  1. Pick one small activity you do on a regular basis: a hobby, attending a group meeting, fitness training, etc., something small and regular.
  2. Check to see how this one small activity connects to winning each part of success.
  3. Find ways to tweak the activity for better contribution to both parts of your success.

Being aware like this now will help to prevent feeling like a successful failure later.

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Listen to the Morning Motivational Moment about just this idea.

We broadcast live on Jolana’s Morning Radio Show, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 7:30 on WFAS 103.9 FM, New York.