Profound Relationships

Everything we need to survive and to be happy comes through other people. Profound relationships include you, me, AND our relationship

We need our PEEPS!

Everything we need to survive and to be happy comes through other people.  From the very basic (food and shelter) to the priceless (love, respect, appreciation) our relationships with other people influence the quality of our lives.  Think of all the individuals who stimulated the turning points in your life with either their unshakable support or their challenges to go farther than you had thought possible.  Greatness is created and expressed through the synergy of profound relationships.   So, to do the great things that you are capable of, you must have relationships that change you just by the virtue of having been in them.  Once you can embrace this power, you will open yourself as a human being to affect and be affected by others in profound ways.

There’s you, me, and our relationship

There are three distinct members in a profound relationship: you, them, and the relationship itself.  Believing in the other person is good and it’s not enough; you have to believe in the power of the relationship, too.  It may feel risky to allow another person to affect you profoundly:  What will happen and will it be good for me?   Trust is a scarce commodity these days — though I don’t mean trustworthy people are scarce,  I mean that trust in our own good judgment about whom to trust is scarce.   We’ve seen way to many people duped by the Madoff’s and Ted Bundies of the world.  Maybe you, like me, have thought that the stories of the victims could have easily been my story; I might have stopped to help Ted Bundy fix a flat tire (how about you?)  This thinking scares the dickens out of people because we’re afraid we won’t smell the rat.   We begin to distrust everyone—guilty until proven innocent—to shield us from the bad guys;  too bad it shields us from the good guys as well.  It’s a question of personal leadership and knowing yourself well enough to trust that you’ll sense an evil doer in time.

The relationship does the heavy lifting

Once you start to believe in yourself you’ll allow the synergy of the relationship itself to take on a role of its own.   You’ll watch as you affect others profoundly without even trying.  Other people will begin to feel that something is different in the relationship and respond with trust and deeper conversations.  This is how you experience profound relationships.

Pitfalls for the eager

Now that you have an idea how necessary profound relationships are, some of you might be eager to go out and create them right away.   Good!   Go for it!   As you get started watch out for a few common mistakes that might slow the process and delay your connection to other people.

  • You’re trying too hard!  Trying to be profound is like practicing to be spontaneous.  The more you try, the less it works.
  • Agendas and Expectations  Remember, you are only one part of a three-part entity.  The relationship must be honored to be powerful.
  • Assuming (Ass – out of U – M – E)  Bringing judgments about the other person’s abilities—what she can or can’t do—will get in the way of open and accepting communication. It’s shuts down people and relationships.
  • Forgetting the past / Ignoring the present  Stop and recognize the profound relationships you already have or have had. Take time to be grateful and then create more of the same from a place of anticipated gratitude.

Relationships are active

The ability to communicate your intentions well is a skill set that can be learned and mastered. It’s about coming to terms with yourself and completely trusting the process of deep conversations, empathy, and context–it’s WAY more than broadcasting your knowledge, virtues, and skills.

Next up in this multi-post series about communication:  Part 4 – Communication Style.  How do you come across and how can you do that even better?

Also See

Related Tip of the Week:  Expectation Guilt

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Author: Lorraine Esposito

Lorraine Esposito Lorraine@Peacemaker-Coach.com 914-410-7502 Lorraine Esposito is a certified professional life coach, mentor coach, owner of The Center for Coaching Mastery at Westchester Community College in New York, and nationally recognized author of The Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime, Lorraine is the featured life coach for a popular New York radio station, WFAS 103.9 FM and is in collaboration with and featured blogger for the National Football League and USA Football adding a ‘coach approach’ to coaching youth sports. Lorraine’s client base includes CEO’s in the entertainment industry, White House and Capitol Hill public affairs staff, entrepreneurs, global TED speakers, award winning writers, new coaches just starting out, successful business women between 40 and 55 looking for more out of life, and parents needing a little help making good on their parenting promises. Lorraine’s career matches the diversity in her coaching practices. Starting out in the rural mid-west, Lorraine has owned four small businesses; the first, an automobile repair center, started at age 16. Her corporate experience is mainly in negotiating multimillion dollar contracts as the buyer of domestic in-flight food and beverages for Trans World Airlines and then as a procurement manager for the New York City Transit Authority. Lorraine’s strength has always been creatively finding solutions to even the most complicated goal. In addition, Lorraine’s 30 years as a professional fitness coach continues to add depth to all her endeavors. She has been featured in various print, broadcast, and on-line media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership to community and school-based audiences. Lorraine lives in New York with her husband and two teenage sons.