Extraordinary Determination

There aren’t any excuses that can take the place of making good on your parenting promises. In the words of Mary Kay Ash, “The only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is extraordinary determination,” meaning, unsuccessful people are the ones who stopped trying and started making excuses.

There aren’t any excuses that can take the place of making good on your parenting promises.  In the words of Mary Kay Ash, “The only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is extraordinary determination,” meaning, unsuccessful people are the ones who stopped trying and started making excuses.

But why, why do parents start making excuses?  Is it because they can’t succeed or don’t try hard?  Nah, it’s much less complicated than that.  It’s more likely they just didn’t know how to play the WHOLE game.  There are at least 7 parts of every winning game and successful parents are the ones who play the WHOLE game.  That takes extraordinary determination.

Pyramid Power

To understand the meaning of “extraordinary determination” you have to first understand the parts of a winning game and then know how to play each of them well.


Focus 80% of your energy where 80% of the opportunities are found

Think of the pyramid as the sum of your opportunities.  Notice that you have more room at the bottom and less towards the top.  What you might not notice right away is that along with all the opportunities at the bottom, you’ll also find most of your resistance, and the higher you go the less resistance you’ll encounter.  Leveraging the power of the pyramid is how extraordinary determination is defined.

80% of your opportunities come from strategy, planning, and goals.  

Every day you have an opportunity to update your plans and strategy.  Plans change in response to daily changes in resources, schedules, timing, energy, etc.  Strategy must also update accordingly because part of strategy is repositioning to reduce friction, automate chores, etc.  Strategy includes your direct involvement AND the way you position all your assets.

Mini games change less frequently because you’ll need time to gather results—especially if you’re trying something new—but once you’ve evaluated the results of an experiment, you can make changes and play again for even better results.

See how simple it is to succeed?  Just focus 80% of your energy on the bottom of the pyramid and you’ll never make another excuse again!


Hold on there …

Simple Ain’t So Easy


80% of resistance comes from strategy, planning, and goals.

Every day you face the life you created and now want to change.  You face your undisciplined mind when you don’t stick to plans and you face the resistance of other people’s agendas.  Every day you bump against resistance and it’s hard to keep going.  It’s more attractive to linger at the top of the pyramid because at the top, you’re focused on how wonderful life will be once all that other stuff gets done.  The higher you go the farther away from your everyday reality—where all the resistance waits.  Unsuccessful people spend 80% of their time thinking about winning and 20% actually playing to win.  At that rate, you’re likely to give up well before you succeed.

How to start succeeding

Take time to think through each of the top 4 pyramid elements.  Clearly define your vision, mission, purpose, and outcome and make sure that they link and support each other.  Spend 80% of the next few days on this task, and once you’re clear about the top 4, shift your focus to the bottom 3 and start making it come true!  Reduce your focus on the lofty ideas to 20% and channel the power of your inspiration into action. With 80% of your energy focused on 80% of the opportunities, you won’t waste another minute looking for excuses—you’re extraordinary determination won’t allow it.

Tip of the Week

Each week I publish one simple tip that supports the 80%.  This week’s tip, Lunch Notes, suggested ideas for deepening the vital connection with your kids.  I’ve even created a Pintrest board and will continue to fill it with resources.  It’s all about amplifying our influence, that’s why 80% of my time is spent finding ways to do just that.  Have a look at a few tips and then share one of your own.

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Related Tip of the Week:  Articulate,

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Author: Lorraine Esposito

Lorraine Esposito Lorraine@Peacemaker-Coach.com 914-410-7502 Lorraine Esposito is a certified professional life coach, mentor coach, owner of The Center for Coaching Mastery at Westchester Community College in New York, and nationally recognized author of The Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime, Lorraine is the featured life coach for a popular New York radio station, WFAS 103.9 FM and is in collaboration with and featured blogger for the National Football League and USA Football adding a ‘coach approach’ to coaching youth sports. Lorraine’s client base includes CEO’s in the entertainment industry, White House and Capitol Hill public affairs staff, entrepreneurs, global TED speakers, award winning writers, new coaches just starting out, successful business women between 40 and 55 looking for more out of life, and parents needing a little help making good on their parenting promises. Lorraine’s career matches the diversity in her coaching practices. Starting out in the rural mid-west, Lorraine has owned four small businesses; the first, an automobile repair center, started at age 16. Her corporate experience is mainly in negotiating multimillion dollar contracts as the buyer of domestic in-flight food and beverages for Trans World Airlines and then as a procurement manager for the New York City Transit Authority. Lorraine’s strength has always been creatively finding solutions to even the most complicated goal. In addition, Lorraine’s 30 years as a professional fitness coach continues to add depth to all her endeavors. She has been featured in various print, broadcast, and on-line media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership to community and school-based audiences. Lorraine lives in New York with her husband and two teenage sons.

7 thoughts on “Extraordinary Determination”

  1. What beautiful comments. I feel so lucky to have stumbled across your site, Lorraine.  I love what you are doing and grateful for the valuable points you are making.  It resonates with my mission statement.

  2. Nice article Lorraine. I think you hit a number of point that are so spot on and often missed!  

    It is so hard to know if you are doing the right thing by your kids and often it is easier to just look for an excuse so we can buy time or get ourselves off the hook.  But when we do that, we are selling our kids short.  Just don’t need much…just effort in the direction of mentoring! 

    Looking forward to seeing more of your blogs.

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