Integrity is a state in which actions demonstrate the meaning of a person’s words and agenda. It also means a structural soundness in which all key elements are in place and made from tested and sturdy materials (as in a solid foundation.)
Integrity is a behavior choice that creates the foundation upon which trust is created. Considering the important role trust plays in our ability to influence children, it’s a good idea to be conscious of your integrity choices.
A lofty idea
Too often the word “integrity” is linked to lofty ideals about “the way things ought to be.” Integrity seems only to apply for the “big” things that “really” matter. Broken promises from a politician are easy-to-see integrity issues, but what about the subtle signs? Inconsistency and agreeability, for example can be indications that thoughts, words, and deeds are misaligned.
Here’s an example that illustrates my point: Consider a common parenting promise:
Teach Healthy Life Skills. I promise to offer my children a well-balanced nutritious diet so that they create healthy bodies and healthy life habits that carry on into the future.
First, the obvious broken promise: According to Fast Food Facts:
84% of parents reported taking their child to a fast food restaurant at least once a week
66% reported going to McDonald’s in the past week
45% parents reported that their child asks to go to McDonald’s at least once a week
15% of preschoolers ask to go every day.
** Hey, I’m not saying I don’t choose fast food, because I do—well except McDonalds.**
Subtle inconsistency
A subtle inconsistency is failing to walk your talk. It’s doing things that don’t demonstrate the actions you expect from other people. Your integrity is in question each time you follow a fad diet, drink alcohol in excess, or illegally use drugs. What we’d like to call it “inconsistency” but it’s more than that.
Subtle agreeability
Subtle agreeability is going along to get along–think of the “yes” man whose situational ethics highlight an integrity issue. Agreeability becomes an integrity issue when actions differ by circumstance. For example, feeding your kids at McDonalds because everyone else wants McDonalds or allowing your child to buy school lunch (because all the other kids get to) when you know he or she hasn’t mastered the skills to choose wisely. We exchange social acceptability for keeping true to the original promise. Sure you’ll update your notions about healthy life skills and experiment with new ideas, great! Do that when you’ve investigated the new idea fully and you’ve framed your experimentation in the context of the original promise.
A rose by any other name . . .
We like to attribute the mixed signals to something less significant than a lack of integrity. We want to give the other person the benefit of the doubt because, again, integrity seems reserved for only the “really big things.”
I disagree. I don’t think it’s the “really big things” that cause the problems; the devil is usually in the details and the details are what influence kids powerfully. People believe actions over words whenever there’s a mismatch. That’s why spotting integrity issues correctly is so important—integrity comes as much from talking our talk as it does from walking our talk.
Related Articles: Since awareness, influence, and trust are central themes woven into everything I write, it’s tough not to simply list all my stuff here. How about a few older posts to mix things up? Look for more about this in Edgy Rocks, Consistency in Boundaries, and Responsible vs. Accountable, The Short Con of Happiness,
Related Tip of the Week: Credibility, Trust, Integrity
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