Garden Analogy – Good Weeders Required

Changing your relationship begins with the current conditions—soil into which seeds are planted or the condition of your existing relationship.

A post about a quote from my book, The Peacemaker Parent . . .

“I guess a good gardener always starts as a good weeder.” —Amos Pettingill 

Garden Analogies

Garden analogies are useful to paint many pictures, so in Chapter 6, Setting Up The Peacemaker Program, I use one to illustrate the ways in which the growth of a child requires an evolution in the parent/child relationship. Of particular importance are the starting conditions; everything begins with the existing soil into which seeds are planted.

Alt= man and woman picking up litter

Starting Fresh vs. Fixing

Starting a new relationship, or changing an existing one, is like planning the transformation of a plot land. In some respects, it can seem easier to start fresh with a whole new relationship―like starting with a patch of untended soil that doesn’t require clean up. Starting with an existing relationship, much like a gardener, you may need to undo some things first and that can look like so much more work. Thankfully, it usually isn’t.

Changing an existing relationship means the hardest part is already done. You’ve already created the loving foundation, all you need do is to strip away the weeds (negative things) replacing them new seeds of respect and trust. It often seems a big job, though, because we tend to see each dysfunctional weed as a separate issue to be dealt with in consecutive order. But in reality, everything is connected. And when you work on producing a positive change in one area, you’ll see how the improvement reflects itself in the other things that need to be changed, too. 

Everything’s Coming Up Roses

Untended soil would need to be fertilized and readied for planting―and takes a long time and it’s hard work! By contrast, your existing garden has already been prepped. Now start pulling weeds to plant some seeds.

Chime In >>

What do you think? Is changing a relationship harder than I’ve portrayed? Will some changes require almost a return to the very beginning?

Related Articles:  Children are Unpredictable, Tip First

Related Tip of the Week:  Accountability Cop-Out, Crime & Punishment

Solid Foundation

Remember to be respectfully honest. Critical is fine but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. URL links look like spam and delay the post. You're accountable for your posts. Have fun and thanks again for being here!

Author: Lorraine Esposito

Lorraine Esposito 914-410-7502 Lorraine Esposito is a certified professional life coach, mentor coach, owner of The Center for Coaching Mastery at Westchester Community College in New York, and nationally recognized author of The Peacemaker Parent, Solving Problems for Today, Teaching Independence for a Lifetime, Lorraine is the featured life coach for a popular New York radio station, WFAS 103.9 FM and is in collaboration with and featured blogger for the National Football League and USA Football adding a ‘coach approach’ to coaching youth sports. Lorraine’s client base includes CEO’s in the entertainment industry, White House and Capitol Hill public affairs staff, entrepreneurs, global TED speakers, award winning writers, new coaches just starting out, successful business women between 40 and 55 looking for more out of life, and parents needing a little help making good on their parenting promises. Lorraine’s career matches the diversity in her coaching practices. Starting out in the rural mid-west, Lorraine has owned four small businesses; the first, an automobile repair center, started at age 16. Her corporate experience is mainly in negotiating multimillion dollar contracts as the buyer of domestic in-flight food and beverages for Trans World Airlines and then as a procurement manager for the New York City Transit Authority. Lorraine’s strength has always been creatively finding solutions to even the most complicated goal. In addition, Lorraine’s 30 years as a professional fitness coach continues to add depth to all her endeavors. She has been featured in various print, broadcast, and on-line media and is a public speaker regarding personal leadership to community and school-based audiences. Lorraine lives in New York with her husband and two teenage sons.

Leave a Reply