All About You After a Breakup

Five things to consider doing before rushing in to fill the vacancy.

No matter how a relationship ends, so many people rush to fill the vacancy. Instead of rushing in, perhaps it’s time to pause and think about yourself.

Five things to consider before you fill the vacancy

1.  Check for Dead Weight

Compromise is part of building strong relationships, however, now that this one is over it’s time to go back and decide whether you want to stay with those changes or drop them like so much dead weight.

2.  Empty the Suitcase

Still mad, sad, or in pain from the breakup? You’re carrying around some baggage. Deal with the leftovers so you don’t burden someone new.

3.  Takes Two to Tango

It’s logical to assume that you had a hand in the breakup, so be honest with yourself about your contribution and forgive.

4.  Love Yourself

Others will come and go but you’ll have YOU forever. Learn to love yourself and treat yourself really well.

5.  Reconnect with Friends

Existing friendships often get put on the back burner to make room for romance. Now you have time to reconnect with the people who are, and will always be, by your side.

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After-a-Breakup

Successful Failure

Why are successful people waking up feeling like failures?

More and more successful people are waking up feeling like failures.

What many people are just becoming aware of is that success has two parts:

  • Accomplishing or achieving things for others
  • Accomplishing or achieving things for ourselves

Assumptions Were Made

Okay, maybe we sort of knew there were two parts, but we made assumptions.

Assumption #1: If/Then Magic

One assumption may be that success in one part would just magically take care of the other.

o   If I provide for the family then I’ll have a close relationship with them.

o   If I choose family over career then I’ll have satisfied my life purpose.  

Assumption #2: Tomorrow Will Come

Another assumption is that once we’ve ‘made it’ in one part we’ll have plenty of time to be successful in the other.

o   Once I retire I’ll make it up to my spouse or kids.

o   Once the kids are gone I’ll pick up where I left off in my career.

There are flaws in both assumptions and this is why successful people are waking up to find themselves feeling like failures.

New Framework

Strategically planning so that you’re considering both parts of success in every decision is a new framework for many people, so do yourself a favor and start small.

  1. Pick one small activity you do on a regular basis: a hobby, attending a group meeting, fitness training, etc., something small and regular.
  2. Check to see how this one small activity connects to winning each part of success.
  3. Find ways to tweak the activity for better contribution to both parts of your success.

Being aware like this now will help to prevent feeling like a successful failure later.

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Listen to the Morning Motivational Moment about just this idea.

We broadcast live on Jolana’s Morning Radio Show, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 7:30 on WFAS 103.9 FM, New York.


Filling Unmet Needs

Unmet personal needs keep you looping back to self-limiting patterns.

Before strategy, let’s clarify two things:

Personal needs are . . .

things that enable you to be You. You need them to make the most of what God gave you.

Unmet personal needs affect us . . .

in a variety of ways, but mostly they keep us looping back to self-limiting patterns.

      • No matter how much money someone makes, they’re always broke.
      • Dating the same kind of person over and over.

 Getting Started

Filling personal needs is a big and deeply personal topic. One blog post can’t do this important issue justice, but it can get you started.

Step 1

Realize that your personal needs aren’t just ‘important’-they are essential.

Step 2

Pick one personal need to start with. It need not be major, just something that, if you picture your life with plenty of this thing, you’d see something truly amazing.

Examples:

        • To be Accepted, Included, Appreciated
        • To Accomplish, Achieve, Attain
        • To be Needed, Useful, Liked

Step 3

Identify the source of this need. Was it something you lacked as a child, is it the result of an important life event, is it culturally or ethically based? Knowing its origin will help you to accept it, respect it, and start doing something about it.

Related WFAS Motivational Moments: Needy People

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Related Tip of the Week: Problem Crumb Trail,

Listen to the Morning Motivational Moment about just this idea.

We broadcast live on Jolana’s Morning Radio Show, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 7:30 on WFAS 103.9 FM, New York.