If you don’t enjoy time alone with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?
Happy Valentine’s Day!
My wish is that you have beautiful and loving relationships, but if you’re still searching for that, perhaps we should look closer at the big kahuna of all relationships—the one that sets up everything:
The loving relationship you have with yourself.
It may sound silly but it truly is the most important one.
So, since it’s not something people generally spend much time thinking about, the first step is to see how much you enjoy your own company. Ask yourself, “Do I enjoy spending time alone, with just me?” That’s no TV, no books, no music, nothing to distract you.
Odd as it sounds, if you’re uncomfortable at the thought of an hour in your living room, alone without anything to do (no napping either) it may be telling you something important.
Hey, if you don’t like spending time with yourself very much, how can you expect anyone else to like being with you either?
For those coming up a bit short on liking yourself, perhaps you can start changing that by integrating your personal values into your life in bigger bolder ways. Doing more things that demonstrate your values makes you a lot more loveable to yourself and everyone else.
As you demonstrate the qualities you’re looking for, people with those qualities will recognize you as someone they can fall in love with.
How can you find the right person to fall in love with.
There are two parts to this idea:
Part 1: Been There – Done That
If you aren’t happy with your current situation, ask yourself, “What do I keep getting with relationships that I don’t want anymore?” Chances are pretty good that you’ll find a common pattern, and it’s probably a pattern that keeps showing up in a variety of places, too. Consider this your wake-up call to figure out why you seem to attract this thing over and over. Once you handle it, you’ll start attracting better relationships.
Part 2: Become the Person You’d Fall in Love With
Once you’ve stopped attracting the things you don’t want, the best way to attract something better is to become the person you would love to be with. If you want romance, be romantic. If you want a hot body, go get yourself a hot bod. As you demonstrate the qualities you’re looking for in someone else, people with those qualities will recognize you as someone they can fall in love with, too.
You might need to be uncomfortable in order to get happy. Be brave and ask a lot of curious questions so that uncomfortable choices are wisely made.
Remembered experiences, and the feelings we associate with them, form our thoughts about who we think ourselves to be. The older we get the more experience we have thinking of ourselves in a certain way. It’s how we come to know who we are.
Knowing ourselves makes decision-making easier. We can make good predictions about the future based on our memories of similar situations from the past. Our ability to predict the outcome of a choice is possible through our associative memory. Thanks to our hippocampus, a part of our unconscious mid-brain, we can store memories about people, places, and things as remember feelings. That means that we’re likely to feel good about something new if we’ve stored good feelings about something similar.
Living Inside the Box
It stands to reason that most people choose that which makes them comfortable. The problem is that feeling comfortable may be nothing more than having familiarity with something. Just because it’s familiar doesn’t guarantee it’ll be good for you. So, if all of your choices are made so that you feel comfortable, you might find yourself trapped in an uncomfortable box.
Follow the trail – is it comfortably bad or uncomfortably good
To “feel” is simply thinking in the past.
Sometimes you might have to choose to be uncomfortable in order to get happy. Be brave and ask a lot of curious questions so that uncomfortable choices are wisely made.