All About You After a Breakup

Five things to consider doing before rushing in to fill the vacancy.

No matter how a relationship ends, so many people rush to fill the vacancy. Instead of rushing in, perhaps it’s time to pause and think about yourself.

Five things to consider before you fill the vacancy

1.  Check for Dead Weight

Compromise is part of building strong relationships, however, now that this one is over it’s time to go back and decide whether you want to stay with those changes or drop them like so much dead weight.

2.  Empty the Suitcase

Still mad, sad, or in pain from the breakup? You’re carrying around some baggage. Deal with the leftovers so you don’t burden someone new.

3.  Takes Two to Tango

It’s logical to assume that you had a hand in the breakup, so be honest with yourself about your contribution and forgive.

4.  Love Yourself

Others will come and go but you’ll have YOU forever. Learn to love yourself and treat yourself really well.

5.  Reconnect with Friends

Existing friendships often get put on the back burner to make room for romance. Now you have time to reconnect with the people who are, and will always be, by your side.

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After-a-Breakup

Filling Unmet Needs

Unmet personal needs keep you looping back to self-limiting patterns.

Before strategy, let’s clarify two things:

Personal needs are . . .

things that enable you to be You. You need them to make the most of what God gave you.

Unmet personal needs affect us . . .

in a variety of ways, but mostly they keep us looping back to self-limiting patterns.

      • No matter how much money someone makes, they’re always broke.
      • Dating the same kind of person over and over.

 Getting Started

Filling personal needs is a big and deeply personal topic. One blog post can’t do this important issue justice, but it can get you started.

Step 1

Realize that your personal needs aren’t just ‘important’-they are essential.

Step 2

Pick one personal need to start with. It need not be major, just something that, if you picture your life with plenty of this thing, you’d see something truly amazing.

Examples:

        • To be Accepted, Included, Appreciated
        • To Accomplish, Achieve, Attain
        • To be Needed, Useful, Liked

Step 3

Identify the source of this need. Was it something you lacked as a child, is it the result of an important life event, is it culturally or ethically based? Knowing its origin will help you to accept it, respect it, and start doing something about it.

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Listen to the Morning Motivational Moment about just this idea.

We broadcast live on Jolana’s Morning Radio Show, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 7:30 on WFAS 103.9 FM, New York.

 

Fall in Love With Yourself First

If you don’t enjoy time alone with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

My wish is that you have beautiful and loving relationships, but if you’re still searching for that, perhaps we should look closer at the big kahuna of all relationships—the one that sets up everything:

The loving relationship you have with yourself.

It may sound silly but it truly is the most important one.

So, since it’s not something people generally spend much time thinking about, the first step is to see how much you enjoy your own company. Ask yourself, “Do I enjoy spending time alone, with just me?”  That’s no TV, no books, no music, nothing to distract you.thought-bubble

Odd as it sounds, if you’re uncomfortable at the thought of an hour in your living room, alone without anything to do (no napping either) it may be telling you something important.

Hey, if you don’t like spending time with yourself very much, how can you expect anyone else to like being with you either?

For those coming up a bit short on liking yourself, perhaps you can start changing that by integrating your personal values into your life in bigger bolder ways. Doing more things that demonstrate your values makes you a lot more loveable to yourself and everyone else.

Related Article: Become Loveable

Listen to the Morning Motivational Moment about just this idea.

We broadcast live on Jolana’s Morning Radio Show, every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday morning at 7:30 on WFAS 103.9 FM, New York.